i
my world has always been torn by two ideas. one is staying and being alone and the other is my
want to interact. but the central theme is one:
the female of the species.
since my last recall, i have always felt the need to relate to them. to know them. to be with them. my heart beats a step faster, i guess. but all the same, even though intention is great, i always bypass the most important thing: how.
after so many years, this is the time that i've only come to realize how i suck in courtship. it has been the weakest link to the realization of this objective. the reason why i suddenly feel lost to everything about my noble idea: to know that someone also feels the same way.
i feel so jaded. and i've come to realize that maybe it isn't the best thing to pursue right now. or maybe it isn't the right idea after all. i must first complete myself (something i've always tried to do but failed because these things get in the way). i must evolve on my own. i must create and i feel the need to, without help. i must first go on alone.
posted by < tofu kid> at 3:28 PM
stupid me
i can't seem to concentrate. something is always bugging me. making me release a different lazy me. when will i again become the old me who truly shows his true worth and not a me who questions the meaning of things making me jaded to everything and stopping to explore things around me? a me who values life and not a me who questions it? when
will i find myself?
if i don't change fast, i think i'll die. i'm serious. cannot anyone save me? why can't i save myself? why? why? why?
posted by < tofu kid> at 12:53 AM
faith in fate
the past has come back. a typical
beginning is the end is the beginning. just when i have moved on, something new comes along. but the
new is actually something old.
a complication of my past. a consequence of my current living. a glimpse of my future.
the flame has been rekindled. but the problem remains the same.
we don't share the same faith.
the same faith that triggered the story of her immaturity in our first meeting almost 4 years ago.
the same faith that i thought will not be a hindrance.
the same faith that failed to taint my idealism, until moments made it fell apart.
the same faith that crippled my visions.
the same faith that i detested.
the same faith that made me who i am.
i don't know what decision to take.
i don't know if i can disregard faith in our fate.
posted by < tofu kid> at 2:21 AM
