5 weeks
i finally woke up.
the first thing that i asked is "who am i?"
i mean, i know i am the blog writer known as grimlock but who really am i?
right now, i am a 5th year electronics and communications engineering student studying in the state university.
"what else?"
as far as i can remember, i am an amalgamation of different concepts, rolled into one being, trying to uplift myself to uniqueness. but all of that turned into horror. when evil struck into my psyche. the evil that are girls.
"do i exist?"
maybe it is appropriate to say, i did exist. but the way i was living the past 5 weeks tells me i hardly existed at all.
"do i exist now?"
i do exist now because i can go back and recall moments that made me who i am.
"then who really am i?"
i am a person molded by the uniqueness of my spirit and the vindication of my past. if not for my past, i could hardly say who i am right now.
"my message to myself:"
please exist. the 5 weeks were bad. because you were confused on the effect girls have made you do. but you can move on right now. you can't cling to anything because everything is closed book already. stop dreaming. it's all over. you can face reality now.
posted by < tofu kid> at 3:39 AM
bringing the confidence back
i have always made it a point that i am willing to help people regarding their acads. i mean, since in high school and even in grade school, i would always tutor my classmates if they had problems with this or that subject. it has always been my bread and butter.
and it always will be. after helping out my computer science orgmates with their electronics service subject which happens to be my course, i am in a state of uplifting a greater trust and respect towards myself. i mean i have always been like that, and i just always forget the capability that i know i have in myself. finally, i'm on the verge on bringing my confidence back. i have it with me. i just have to nurture my path towards greatness and completeness.
posted by < tofu kid> at 3:48 AM
zero balance
i am in no position to do anything. i lost that stance when i didn't even converse. it is as if i ran out of credit when i could have always reloaded. i may even be on negative level. and that only means that i am lightyears away of even trying to ask you out. am i any clear to myself?
as all of my friends said, don't make it your problem. it is not something that should occupy your mind. there are lots of productive things i should be focusing on. bring your discipline back. i can bring it back.
posted by < tofu kid> at 3:30 AM
facing blank walls
what the fuck?! what am i doing here? why am i facing a blank wall for the past 5 weeks? what the fuck is happening to me? as if this hasn't happened to me the previous semester, that i'm living without meaning? was i not supposed to learn anything from any of those?
i'm so fucking confused. confused on what to choose with current matters of my life. confused on what i want to feel. and at most, fucking afraid on facing reality. can i move on with my life right now and try to forget fiction? why cannot i get away from this black hole i got sucked into. i'm conscious that i was absorbed by it, BUT i'm not creating lot of effort to finally pull away from it. man, you're life is about studying, isn't that any clear?
if you're really so fucking good, then get the fuck off your current state of senseless depression. life has meaning. you create the meaning.
the meaning is with me.
posted by < tofu kid> at 11:15 PM
delight
there is delight in speaking cuss words.
posted by < tofu kid> at 11:15 PM
